I just listen to Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) talk at Mars Hill (Rob Bell’s church) about Stories. About instead of worrying about what you’re doing right or wrong, but worrying about writing a good story with your life. You can get the talk at the Mars Hill page or download the MP3 directly.
Part of it really spoke to me, the bit about being afraid. For so long in my life I was worried about things going wrong, so I didn’t make decisions, either for the fear that the decision would be the wrong one, or that it would put me in a place where things weren’t so ‘safe’, and thus make me more afraid.
But what he says I’ve found to be true, the last few years, I have been more proactive, making decisions to go towards what I want or what I think is right, particularly this year leaving my job. It was scary, but there was something I wanted more, to be able to put time into helping others, to not just go along with what was happneing around me, for my life to tell a good story…
I also watched Rob Bell’s latest Nooma (Name) recently. It goes through labels and things we or others say about ourselves. I started rewatching the video over and over, writing down things I thought about myself, and got to the word scared, it made me cry. Not in a bad way, but simply because I’d opened up part of my heart and expressed something that I needed to, that I’d got to know myself a little more. Life is scarier than its ever been, but its better that its ever been.